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Monday, December 20, 2010

Holiday Eating Tips

Finding the perfect tree.
You may have seen the email that's been going around, but if not, I'll pass on some of these important tips for eating at the holidays.  That way, you can put them into practice soon.

  • Avoid carrot sticks.  Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing about holiday spirit.  In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.  Go next door where they're serving rum balls.
  • Drink as much egg nog as you can.  You can't find it any other time of the year, so drink up!  Who cares if there are 10,000 calories in every sip?  It's not like you're going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something.  It's a treat, so enjoy it. 
  • If something comes with gravy, use it.  That's the whole point of gravy (just ask Mary Beth and her family).  Pour it on.  Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.  Fill it with gravy.  Eat the volcano.  Repeat.
  • Do not eat a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating.  The whole point of going to a holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. 
  • Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.  You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.  This is the time for long naps to conserve the energy you'll need circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of egg nog.
  • If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge.  Have as many as you can before become the center of attention.  If you leave, you may never see them again.

Hanging his favorite ornament--a moose from Maine!

  • Same for pies.  Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat.  Have a slice of each.  Or if you don't like mincemeat, have 2 apple and one pumpkin.  Always have 3.  When else do you get to have more than one dessert?  Labor Day?
  • Fruitcake.  Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all costs.  I mean, please!  Have some standards!
Now let's get out there and eat!

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